After the Flood

Oh my god. I am so full. Holidays, man. I read (somewhere) that the average American puts on ten pounds during the holiday season. Ten Pounds! Last year when there wasn’t a big difference between holiday eating and my normal lifestyle I would have thought that was astronomical. Sadly, this weekend I believe it. I was planning on posting “before and after” photos of myself for the New Year, but at this point I don’t feel good enough to even show off a difference!

It all started three weeks ago, when my lovely friend cooked dinner for a girls’ night, and the food consisted of pasta, garlic bread and cookies. I’d like to tell you that it hasn’t been all simple carbs and saturated fats for the twenty-two days since then, but…mostly it’s been all simple carbs and saturated fats with a few fruits and vegetables here and there.

Until today. I have been feeling progressively more and more terrible for the last two weeks: waking up with headaches, feeling sluggish…not to mention feeling like my pants are a bit tighter than they are supposed to be. I’ve kept making excuses, though. “Well, it’s a special occasion.” “Eh, it’s pointless to reboot now, I have that party on Friday…” But today, I’m out of excuses, and I think I feel just gross enough that excuses wouldn’t matter anymore anyway.

I’m actually excited to get back to healthy living. I’ve seen this Internet meme a few times that goes something like, “Would you rather have cupcakes or visible hipbones? Pizza or a gap in your thighs?” …like that, along with closeups of underweight fashion models’ body parts, juxtaposed against obese people enjoying themselves. And while I am supremely annoyed with that message, because of its extremism and arrogance, I do kind of agree with its point now. I have no interest in visible hip bones and I think it would be anatomically impossible for my thighs to avoid touching. But I do see the difference between the momentary pleasure of eating something really delicious but unhealthy, and the general satisfaction that comes with just feeling good. Like somehow feeling healthier correlates to feeling happier, no matter what the external circumstances might be. At least, I’ve noticed I have felt a general malaise the last week or two, where last month I felt a little more carefree.

Actually, what I feel is lighter. Weight isn’t just physical. Its effects dwell deeper than just the subcutaneous layer. It affects energy, mood, even a sense of identity. So while I resent the superficiality of the cookies versus love handles debate, I’ve finally come to realize that any satisfaction that might come from eating rich, low-energy foods exists on a sliding scale. Sooner or later (but not much later) its going to stop having its desired effect.

And my junk food scale is topped out. So today, I wave goodbye to endless amounts of red velvet and cheese dip and reacquaint myself with smoothies and quinoa.

I’m actually pretty excited! Had a great avocado salsa for lunch. Sweet potato “chips” are in the oven. I mapped out a calendar of 4 small (mostly vegan) meals per day for two weeks.

I feel better already.